So tonight I write about breathing… about focus… about purposefully spending time with God. Tonight I take time for myself in my own little retreat away from everyone (except the cats who insist on keeping me company).

Thursday nights is our small group meeting at Vineyard – tonight we watched a video with Rob Bell (by NOOMA.com) called Breathe. In it he talks about our breathing and asks a ton of questions like – How many of us really think about our breathing? Have we ever considered that our breathe is also the spirit of God? Is God’s name really pronounceable? – it wasn’t it Hebrew.

The one thing he said that really struck me was that he talked about how we get so busy that we stop seeing the burning bushes and we stop breathing in God and breathing out the stuff that God wants us to let go of. That life just passes us by.

Today I felt like that. And the past several days, I’ve felt like that….kind of disconnected from life, going through the motions, surviving, being responsible, being the good wife, daughter-in-law, boss, friend, business owner… I feel so tired. It’s been more than a week now that I’ve had a true day to myself – to reflect, to seek, to breathe in God. I’ve been coming and going here and there. I’ve been planning, meeting, running and not taking any time to just sit and breathe. And yes, I feel that I have a blessed life and am extremely grateful – I also believe that I have stopped taking time to enjoy the life that God has given me because I have gotten so busy.

Last Friday Andy and I had friends from church over for dinner. It was a great time of food and fellowship. After dinner we went outside to spend time with the horses and I noticed that Astar was acting very strange — he’s usually wanting to to be the center of attention and this time he was kind of off in his own world. I commented to Andy and my friends that Astar was acting funny – so I’d keep an eye on him…. he’s been kind of that way all week with me even though I caught him up and worked with him on Monday.

Today, I went to meet the vet where Irish is currently living (our newest addition to the herd) and as I was spending time with him, grooming him and talking to him, I felt the same distance. As I looked at Irish, I realized – it’s not the horses (not Astar or Irish), it’s me! I’m the one that’s been distant and aloof! I’m the one that hasn’t been quite right and the horses have sensed it.

The other thing I noticed as I thought back on today after listening to the video – was that I let precious moments slip by me – I could not clear my head of everything long enough to give Irish the time he deserved this morning because all I could think about was everything else I had on my plate during the rest of my day…. I’m sorry Irish.   Even during my client meetings, I found my mind drifting off to other things I have going on — how can we get roofing material…I wonder if they know someone who does scrap metal…wow, it’s gloomy outside. During small group, I was thinking about Wings of Dreams and their invitation – roofing material again – how to securely strap a tarp on the roof for now – what does God want me to breathe OUT….hmmm…LOL?

When Rob Bell was talking about breathing and how we don’t really think about it – that it’s not a focused thing we do, my thoughts drifted to Pilates. It’s the one time in my week that I get to stop everything I am doing, turn off my cell phone, and I have to focus on my breathing…it’s actually rather relaxing though it’s also a workout. I feel so much more focused after I leave – I’m ready to conquer the rest of my day.

So it makes me wonder – if I applied my focused breathing exercised to more days in my week, perhaps I could focus more and feel less overwhelmed. Perhaps I could feel that peaceful presence that I feel after an hour of focused exercise and breathing…the peaceful presence of God wrapping His arms around me in a comforting embrace that lets me know I can handle anything that comes my way – that He will provide all of the time I need to get everything completed that I need to get completed.

I pray that God gives me the focus and peace, to stop and smell the roses – to relax long enough to spend time with my horses, friends, husband and most importantly Him. I also pray that if you (who are reading this) are like me and find yourselves without focus and feeling overwhelmed that you will stop, close your eyes, just breathe and ask Him to fill you with His breathe!